This was a bad day for me. I woke at 6:30 in the morning hearing the shouts of my parents against each other. And the reason: a leaking water hose. I know it was kind of shallow to be argued on, but when you're faced with tons of debts and a breakfast-less morning, even a stupid leaking hose is enough to ignite your emotions. That could be their escape mechanism, being the reserved person that they are that they wouldn't talk of financial matters in front of us children. Maybe to save some sort of pride in them. I really don't know for sure.
I ignored all the shouting and screaming and tried to go back to sleep until someone came knocking at my bedroom door. It was my Kuya. I was wondering what he is still doing in here when he should have left already for work. He sat at the bedside while I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling.
"Wala ka ba dyang mapapahiram muna, kelangan ko kasi talagang pumasok ngayon kasi may deadline ako," I heard him between sobs. "Yun nga lang yung inaasahan kong allowance hanggang next week eh." He said he can't ask Mama for the money that she borrowed last time because it might just add to her fury.
I figured he was begging for it until he broke down into tears. That was the first time, the first time I saw my older brother cry in front of me. We were never very close for him to show his weak side to me. It was an awkward moment because I didn't know if I should rub his back for comfort (like I did with friends) or I should utter comforting words to lighten his mood.
All I did was swallow some saliva and continued to stare at the ceiling, not saying a word or doing anything.
Suddenly I was burdened with having to solve this problem. This problem that shouldn't be mine to solve or his to have. He doesn't have anything to spend on (yet), so I assumed he must have some money to sustain his everyday fare to work. But still, I crossed my brows in thinking, finding a way how the hell would I give him any amount. Between his tiny sobs I thought of the people whom I can borrow money from, I thought of the new bills I have in my drawer, and I thought of suggesting that he just miss his work today.
"Meron ka bang load dyan?" I asked him, interrupting his incessant weeping. "Baka pwede kong ma-text si Sweet."
Sweet was our niece who was about my age. She had a steady job and was always ready to help me in my financial troubles. Maybe she could bestow her kindness to my brother this time. My actual plan was that I could trade my new bills with a 100-peso bill. Thank goodness she agreed on it so got up and sent my younger brother to her to get those bills traded.
Not longer than 5 minutes, my other brother came back with 100 pesos in his hand. He handed it to our Kuya. There was a moment of silence in my room. I knew this would be the most awkward part of the scene.
"Thank you. Thank you talaga." I heard him say while going halfway out the door, his eyes red and were even ready for another stream of tears to flow down. He remained standing there, waiting for a reply from me.
His presence at my door built a pile of unmoving tears in my eyes.
"Dalian mo na, late ka na." was all I managed to say. I did not look up at him because I feared he might see my tears.
I heard the door close and footsteps run down the stairs. From that moment, I knew I could go back to sleep again.
